Dear Single Lady, Happy Valentines.

I went to a mall a few days ago and I couldn’t help but be grumpy about all the red that I was seeing. The Mall had a whole section that was all red in preparation for valentines. I mean, “it’s just one day, why do they have to make such a big deal out of it.” I asked myself. I knew what the issue was, it wasn’t the mall, it was me, being all bitter and sort of petty.

How can someone be able to survive  February as a single let alone having recently experienced a heartbreak? The other months I think are more bearable since life goes on as usual, but February, oh February, happens to be that time of the year when everything around you reminds you of your miserable singlehood, I cannot say much for the men, but most ladies have to agree with me on this one; February can be miserable while single.  Some of us will find ourselves, dressed in a red outfit without even knowing why people dress up like that in the first place, others will spend so much just for nothing. I do not have an issue with any of these categories of people, I am specifically worried about the lot that has just experienced heartbreak or those that are ‘accidentally single’.

Dear single lady, this shall be the worst month for you, especially if you’re from a break-up. The temptation of wanting to flow in the euphoria of the love birds will be so high. Being in a generation that wants immediate gratification and having the need to belong, February can bring you in a position of doing some really stupid stuff. Do not allow this month to make you gloomy, in fact, it can be the best month for you, if you let the Lord take the lead of course and if you embrace wisdom.

First of all, you will meet the weirdest people holding hands and others will even stand in your way as they hug, do not be bitter. Do not give the enemy a platform to make you curse the couples around you, don’t make the couples around you feel like they have to apologize just because you are around. Celebrate with the couples that are your friends, if there is a surprise proposal happening for your friend, go help out, if a friend has a boyfriend who wants to throw her a surprise birthday party, please help with the preparations, make that day memorable for her.


Secondly, the urge to just get a very long text message from someone declaring their love for you will heighten. Loneliness will be there with its cousins. Do not lead yourself on. With heightened loneliness, the smallest gesture of kindness from a brother can create a whole episode in your head, kindly do not pursue a guy or try to ‘make them see’ that you can be an item if he hasn’t declared his intentions thus far, do not assume that he is just shy and that they just need a little nudge. This is desperate and a total turn off. A man who loves you will just say it, there is no shy man when it comes to pursuit. I do not care what this generation says, but men were created to initiate and women were naturally created to respond and a perversion of this, oh you independent twenty-first-century woman will amount to your hurt, no matter how you would want to take it.

Everyone is dateable (if this word exists) or marriageable when you are desperate. The guys that you have never even considered being with will start looking like knights in shining armors. We all have that one person whom we know that with just the right words, they can make our valentine’s season memorable. Do not defraud your brother, just because he has a soft spot for you does not give you the right to exploit them. This goes hand in hand with leading someone on, kindly do not lead someone on for your own selfish satisfaction, remember God is a just God. God is not only your father but his too.

Girl, you will find love, maybe not this month or this year, but you will find it, actually, love will find you. Do not stop going for the bridal showers, or being a bridesmaid or even politely responding to those annoying aunts that keep on asking why you haven’t found “someone”

Real women not only love Christ but they also love the men that He died to save, do not use someone’s heart as a crutch only for you to dump when you are all healed. Real women run to Christ for healing when it hurts. They know it is only Him that knows where it is that needs attention and the time it will take. Real women wait to be completely healed and whole before they allow someone else in if you’re still hurting, chances are you will hurt someone else too, so woman, no rebounds. No one deserves to be in that position. If there is a situation with the ex, deal with it. If you are hurting for any reason whatsoever kindly let February pass in peace.

Do not run a pity party. The enemy is a preacher and many are the times I found myself affirming the lies he told me by giving him an offering of my tears. The devil is a liar and the father of all lies, do not allow him to whisper anything to you. You are not old, you are not ugly, and it isn’t your fault that the relationship did not work or that you are single (or maybe it is), your standards will not be too high for the right person. However, let them be realistic.

Do not settle for less may be a cliché, but I will still use it. February will come and go, do not make permanent decisions just to prove a point, make them while sober and fully aware of the consequences. Do not spice up the relationship too much if you are in one, you might get ulcers and live your life regretting.

I am not against people celebrating love this month, am for sober decisions. Love, laugh and live but do not let it be at the expense of others. Memories will flood your mind of how it used to be when you were on the other side and you might want to relive those moments, but don’t break someone else’s heart in the cause of mending your own. Your friends’ phones will ring, they will smile as they read those messages but kindly, Woman, do not lead someone on.

Finally, Girl, you will find love, maybe not this month or this year, but you will find it, actually, love will find you. Do not stop going for the bridal showers, or being a bridesmaid or even politely responding to those annoying aunts that keep on asking why you haven’t found “someone”. Live your life and work in making the best version of you, let love find you doing something with yourself. They are just twenty-nine days in February, you can survive them.



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