Is it not amazing how the girlchild has been wired to desire and yearn for marriage or should I say the wedding? I mean, the wedding gown is just an understatement. I remember when I was little, there was this “soko ya mawe” we used to go to. That market had a stall that had the best wedding gowns, I tell you if the boys my age then were fantasizing about cars and how to meet Messi in their lifetime, I was planning the Grand Entry for my wedding day. My dreams were so near yet so far altogether, I had not even started school yet. But I hoped, I knew I would wear that white gown; even if it would be as an advert for a gown-making company, laughs. Oh, weddings just give me that euphoria every time, I would actually crash into a stranger’s wedding ceremony and cry when the bride comes in, literally cry. It always feels like a glimpse of how it will be when Christ comes for his bride.
So, when I thought about her, all I could think of was how she must have been happy to finally be united to the love of her life, the one that made her tickle when he crossed her mind. She would finally be one with him. I could see her mum giving her the speech, both crying. The mother cries because her little girl is not so little anymore; she cries because she has to leave the nest and go make her own, she cries because she is launching into unfamiliar territory. She only hopes that she has made the right choice. They are both happy though.
Daddy comes and looks at his girl, he loves her too much. He clenches his jaws at the thought of giving up his daughter to another man, he is fully aware of the sons of Adam. “at least the man had the guts to ask me for her hand,” he tells himself; ” He ain’t like those chaps that “steal” girls in the wee hours of the night, he seems like a nice man; God he had better be a nice man or I would kill him.” Daddy’s mind is racing as he walks her beautiful daughter down the aisle, he hopes he could slow this moment but he can’t…
Today, this blog turns two by the grace of God, yeeeey. I feel like it’s time to leave the nest and try my wings for the first time. No longer at the shallow, safe shore but actually launch into the deep. I feel like it’s time to be all in or all out, like am walking down the aisle to finally say I do. When I thought about what to write to mark the start of another year of opening the doors of my heart and being vulnerable to you my reader, of late-night, writes, of the pressure of whether the next article will measure up to your unspoken standards, of cluttered sticky notes and filled up diaries. When I thought of another year of putting my work out there to be judged, appreciated, or criticized, Ruth came up.
Well, if you desire to marry someday, you will marry, sooner or later. Whether you forcefully make him/her the One or allow the Lord to write your love story, we human beings have a tendency of having things go our way anyway. Am not here to talk about getting Boaz or Ruth, but am here to talk about something that almost equates in value when it comes to the meaning of life, and that thing is purpose/goal/dream. The thing tickles your soul.
I remember when the idea of starting a blog came up, I couldn’t help but tell anyone that had the time to listen about this big idea, I was smitten by it, I was in love if I may say. I wanted to spend hours playing with that keyboard and share it with the world. I told myself that finally here comes something that I wouldn’t have to struggle to commit to. I wanted to get out of the nest and start out something that would make me tick.
However, like every other relationship, things are great when the word “commit” is out of the picture, everything is blissful until you decide to “forsake all others and cleave”. This is when all hell breaks loose and your commitment is put to the test. A time came and I started actually hating my computer, especially when I saw the WordPress icon. I would intentionally avoid talking to a few friends who would put me on my toes about the next article. It was no longer effortless. My write-ups are so much dependent on my walk with the Lord, and so every flip in the wrong direction affects my creativity. Talk of pressure. There comes a point when the blazing fire is no longer there but just the red embers of the once big furnace that remain as evidence that something great was once there. There comes a point when you have to decide whether to put out the fire or look for firewood to keep things burning. No good thing is effortless.
Apparently, you owe no one commitment to pursue your dream, Ruth no longer had any obligations to her in-laws, she had the right to go remarry. she stayed true to the vows, they did not make sense then, the feelings had gone, the man was dead literally, but she held on to the vows. This was a defining moment for her, her entire life. She would have to live by the choices she made. There’s nothing that gives one pressure than the fact that you’ll have to live by the choices you make, think of a marriage partner, the fact that you might look back and regret or be grateful could actually freeze you to not choose, which is also a choice in itself.
When the husband died, Ruth decided to hold on to the dream, which she actually didn’t even know she had, God was calling the shots here without her knowledge, He was including her in the lineage of Jesus. Apparently, he would have used anyone but He chose her because God is always looking for a man/woman after His own heart to work with. I tend to think that God wouldn’t have lacked something for Orpah too, the good book clearly states that the laborers are the ones who are few; the work is plenty.
The good or bad thing about the deep end is that you either swim or die, and at times with our dreams, this point comes up, we either move forward or kill it. Will you stop dancing when the applause stops, will you stop drawing when they stop appreciating, will you stop writing those sermons when they stop giving platforms to share. Will I stop writing when someone personally decides that they don’t like my work, or when no one reads? The heart of the matter is usually the matter of the heart. Ruth served her mother-in-love regardless, whether the applause came or not, whether the second shot at marriage came or not. It is sad that we ladies especially postpone living now and sharing our gifts to the world because of our wait for a partner. Start the adventure of life with the Lord first, it will save you the pain of being grumpy and grudgingly serving God religiously when the wait gets longer than anticipated.
But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God… May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely if anything but death separates you from me.” Sometimes all that our dreams want is for us to stand to them, not to cave when things go south but to stand and refuse to let go of the assignment God gave us. Sometimes, we will have to leave all others and hold on to the small light that is in our hearts to lead the way. Sometimes all we have to do is to declare, that we are not letting go of our dreams and see the universe back us up to see our dreams come true.
It is high time we launched into the deep, follow the gut feeling, follow that thing that makes us smile and makes us ticklish when they cross our minds. For me, it is more fulfilling than those beautiful gowns at the soko ya mawe. It is high time we focused on the one, put all the eggs in that dream, whether you will regret it in the future or not, at least you did try. Let the world knows what you stand for and why you think the world hasn’t had enough of you yet.
It is high time we ladies stopped daydreaming the whole day about the future marriage to someone, which is actually not bad. Believers also have to stop daydreaming about heaven lazily as if they are enduring life on earth, this is our domain and it is up to us to make a little heaven down here even as the Lord tarries. We are all part of a big masterpiece that the Lord is making, like Ruth we might not see the big picture yet with all the chaos around us. We might not know why some things failed or others died, but when we see Him, we shall hear Him say, “well done good and faithful servant.” And that will be worth all that we went through. So let’s pull our sleeves, let’s leave all others and cleave to what matters, let’s launch and this year, let’s be singular in pursuit of Christ.