I think that in every man’s life, there is a period in which he is obsessed with caps. If you did not get to this stage, it’s weird. The disclaimer is this obsession was real before Bluetooth devices, social media, and gadgets became the spoilers. My family tends to make me realize that caps are a man’s thing_ the thing I saw with my father.
I grew up seeing my Father’s obsession with his caps; actually, there was a time when he had caps hooked around our house. Well, the house wasn’t that big, but this would make me marvel as a seven-year-old. He would not allow my mum to wash his caps during this period. He trusted her alright, but not with these.
He was so much into caps that we could tell his mood based on the cap he put on. I knew how far to go in asking for favors depending on the cap he wore. Sadly he outgrew them, or maybe they did outgrow him. He figured that one or two caps wouldn’t hurt after all.
My other Father
Then we have my uncle. He is the kind that would wear his caps to match the occasion. For ruracios, you would spot him with those big god papas. He says they make him look serious during the negotiations. He tilts it in the front so that eyes do not meet (something happens when eyes meet, even in serious negotiations, so he avoids eye contact). He has earned a name for this particular style, his godpapa. It would help if you came prepared for this uncle.
I also have a cousin (I pray he won’t get to reading this) who wears his cap the way he wears his shoes. By this, I mean from when he gets out of bed to when he returns to it. My cousin has a cap on him.
My Cousin usually wears the kind that people say are for touts and PSV drivers, these he wears because of a very big scar he has on his forehead, he got it when he was fighting for the Love of his life, we are hopeless romantics in our families, from my Father’s side of the course.
Fatherhood and Caps
My mum’s side will tell you that you cannot eat Love, so I have mixed genes, at times I would say Love is all that we need, and other times I would tell you we cannot eat Love, it all depends on the foot I wake up with. For this reason, I cannot tell fatherhood and caps apart; they’re like two sides of a coin in my eyes.
From the obsession, a young man has for his cap to buying his first one to show off to the time he puts it on for protection from the scorching sun. It extends to when he puts it on to hide that he is balding to the very results -the very serious negotiations of giving away his daughter to another man or taking in a daughter-in-law.
A cap is like a man’s best friend, well, and a dog too. Being a father is not just being some baby daddy that goes all over the village, bragging about how many children he has fathered to his peers. It requires giving your life, care, attention, and sweat to another human being.
It is not just claiming dowry when they are all grown and never knowing what they ate to get to that point. It is not a role to be delegated to the mother; fatherhood is a DIY-Do It Yourself. It’s a blueprint for our baby girl for the kind of man she should go for and a roadmap for the young boy toward manhood.
You are Significant
I wouldn’t want you to be all involved in the kids’ life when they are little and angelic and throw in the towel during puberty when they are all moody and messed up, the same way my dad gave up on his caps with time.
I want you to be involved from the time they scribble their first letter to the time they teach their kids to do the same because your success is when your successor-our children- succeed.
A father requires simultaneity
Closing my eyes and envisioning the simultaneity of your role makes me whisper a prayer to our Father that you will be required to discipline and affirm Love and rebuke, joke and be serious at one point.
The very fact that they crave your attention more than anything else, that our little girl wants your eyes and attention on her, to tell her that she is beautiful in that purple dress, and the young man tries to swing on your hands to see if you can still carry him up.
Darling, there needs to be more room for one cap to stay on your head. Your flexibility is mandatory, and your anger shouldn’t overstay. A father’s Love and presence should always be clear.
A Father needs Wisdom
Most people I have come across have daddy issues, from a father that wasn’t at home, to the one that was too harsh, to the one that never provided, and the one that never actually kept his word.
It wasn’t so from the beginning. There was a point in their lives when these people adored their fathers. They saw them as their knight in shining armor, a time when one couldn’t separate them. Then with time, they saw the armor rusting.
Maybe he wasn’t smiling when they showed him their result slip or when the boy said that he scored a goal in school, or when the girl came and reported that she could recite the memory verse their Sunday school teacher gave them, it could be it faded when they saw him throwing tantrums at mommy and leaving her with tears. It could have happened when they felt they were being replaced with the newspaper, phone, or remote.
You Represent our Heavenly Father
I am also to blame because I tend to make you look like an evil man who watches silently and waits for them to go wrong so that you may punish them.
The way I keep on telling them that I will tell on them to you when they do wrong, the fact that I want you always to do the disciplining while I do all the applauding.
I know it is wrong that we should learn how to sandwich Love in the disciplines, that we should learn how to show your good side often as well, that you can sit down with them without mommy reporting to you about who broke what so that when we introduce them to Him as Our Father, they would not dread Him or run away.
A Proud Father
Still, they would rather run to Him because they can relate Him to their loving earthly Father. They say men are of few words. I do not know that, so I would let it rest. However, I pray that in those few words, there will be the words, “This is my beloved child, and I am proud of him.”
You would verbally tell them this as often as possible because in as much as I would tell them that, I know that they crave those words from you more than from me. They will always hear them from me, even in the most insignificant achievements.
You’re already a Great Father
We cannot protect them from the “heat” of life, and you will not always have your best foot forward, but we can create an environment for them that tells them boldly that they are loved for who they are and not what they do, that even with your armor fading away, they still know that daddy is proud of them.
May they never get to where they will say they were under-fathered or un-fathered. You may get overwhelmed with stuff, want to cave in, and remember to put on a cap. You may sometimes feel lazy to put anyone on you or even feel you need to be up for the task.
Profess, Protect and Provide as a Father
May these three caps always be within reach, the cap of professing your pride and Love for our children, the cap of protecting them from life’s harm, and that one of providing for them in cash and kind babe.
I will be by your side, together with Him, and the enemy will not easily break the chord of the family. Thus, the fulfillment of His promise was that He would turn the hearts of the fathers into the children and the children’s hearts into their Father.