I want to say that every woman has an desire of having a family of their own. I know with all the career chase some might not agree with me and its okay. So lemme say for myself, i want a wedding, I want a home, and my own family.
A woman with a heart
And I deserve your love
Am not some girl who don’t know what she wants
Am a woman, I need to be loved, I need to be touched
cause being just your woman is not enough.”
That was the adolescent young me singing Tony Braxton’s song with tears flooding in my eyes. I was 12 and crushed in the back seat of a Matatu. I loved singing KISS 100’s songs out loud and were it not for the fact that I lacked a phone I would have auditioned for the competition that Shaffie Weru and Kalekye Mumo used to host called “Please make me Famous.”
My mother is my role model. I keep saying that it is not some kind of cliche’. I have seen her life and she has impacted me in ways that I can’t even start to explain. She is a well of wisdom and grace. My mum doesn’t talk much, ow well, she does but not in comparison to me. She is not the kind that would sit you down for a pep-talk; that mother-daughter kind of talk.
Our relationship is cool, most of the advice she gives I just have to get from her random small talks.
My mother got me at the age of seventeen. She usually calls me her ID, because she was exactly 18 years when she gave birth to me. She is also proud to state that she actually did a church wedding. She states that it was the most free wedding and she still marvels at the fact that people could spend half a million for that. On her wedding day, she just had a good white blouse and a skirt while dad had an oversized jacket with khaki pants. Side note: Dad told me that they dated for a week. (Whatever you do with this information is entirely up to you. haha).
They also did not have a cake or honeymoon reservations. They have had their fair share of ups and downs. It is her life and that of the women that I have had the opportunity of being around other that made me realize that there are things that a woman will need for this journey, the essentials.
My two cents on family
I saw some young woman in church last year and I was stressed for the whole day. She had married and gotten a child and could not settle in church. I noticed that she had changed her sitting position, she was now selecting places that were the nearest exit routes. She could not stay in church for long without going out for a break. Sometimes it was the child was crying or wanted a diaper changed or the likes.
The husband had come early for the early bird prayers but the wife came at ten. This was actually an improvement because there would be times when she actually would not come to church; especially when the child was sick. I felt like something was gripping my heart and squeezing life out of it. I could not quite imagine what sort of crazy schedule that woman had while at home.
Thinking deeper about the lady, I could not help but imagine that in few years’ time, I would be there. I would be a mother, a wife, an in-law and trying to make sense out of every other title that will be accorded to me.
It scared me because, I did not feel ready for all that. Do not mistake me for a woman that does not want a family, in fact, having a family of my own has been a craving for me. And although I wanted all that, I knew I was not ready, I had not prepared and was not even planning on preparing for such. I just thought that I would fit in immediately the roles start coming. Truth is, I won’t.
A woman needs her reservoir. That is what I carried home that day. Just like people create a reservoir in the season of surplus for upkeep during lack, so should a woman prepare for the life ahead. The first reservoir is of prayer. I know we love the notion and the idea of having the man as a priest of the house and that is great. However, we have come to terms with the fact that, that particular man is also looking for a prayerful woman.
God giving you and the Holy Spirit the same name, helper, was no coincidence. A woman needs to know where to draw her strength from before she walks down the isle. A woman needs to have her own personal walk and testimonies of the Lord’s doings before she ties the knot. Time has taught me that some battles, will have to be fought consistently on our knees. Other battles you will have to start fighting now (like being selfish and lustful).
A woman, needs to dig that reservoir so deep to the point that it will never run dry. It is prayer that keeps homes, makes children obedient, open our eyes to where our wealth is and the like. A woman that does not know where to turn to when she is between a rock and a hard place, is a woman in trouble.
I am so sure and in fact okay with the fact that my Father does not know when I was born. Neither does he even have an idea of when the rest of my sisters were born. We laugh at that. He is happy that he married a country girl with whom such things also did not matter.
And this brings me to the reservoir of wisdom. My mum says that a man is allowed to be foolish by society with the hope of God having mercy on him and giving him a wise woman. However, a woman has no such luxury; a woman cannot afford to be foolish. The bible says that a woman is the one that determines what to do with her hands; whether to destroy or build her house.
A woman should be wise enough to know what battles are worth fighting and the ones that should just be allowed to take their natural cause. It is only a foolish woman that would use ammunition to start a fight that could have been solved with just word of mouth.
The last reservoir is that of extending grace. A woman should learn how to extend grace. Forgiveness is not weakness, it is strength. A woman should learn to extend grace for people to grow and become better. There are some battles that are fought with peace. Peace is also a weapon in its own right.
The Bible compares a nagging woman to a dripping ceiling. Well, it might really be nagging, but maybe just constant reminders that have bore no fruits ever since. Sometimes, it is wise to engage them from the perspective of peace, change your weapon and see what happens.
So, I am taken back to that song…”Am a Woman. Am a woman that needs God first before the man comes. Am a woman that is flawed and chances are, I will meet a flawed man. Am a woman at work. Digging deep reservoirs, a woman trying to let go of bad habits, and ideologies. Am a woman that prays that she may love the Lord