Today is Gender-Based Violence (GBV) Day, and my heart has been carrying this heavy weight. For weeks, I’ve found myself reflecting on GBV — not as a distant issue, but as something I once walked through myself. There’s a pain that hits different when you realize mtu anakuchapa mtu hajawahi hata ona your father or your guardian. The audacity? Honestly… Sister Joy, please.
Why Do Some Women Stay?
Let me start by saying: I understand the mothers.
Women who stay because of their children — that one I will not judge. I have not yet worn the shoes of motherhood, so all I can say is: more grace, Mum.
But my biggest concern today — my loudest “beef” — is with the women (and men too) who stay in violent relationships when there isn’t even a child involved. How do you go back? How does this person convince you to return to a cycle of violence wrapped in the blanket of “I love you”?
A Painful Story Close to Home
GBV is not just something I’ve seen in the news.
It affected my cousin deeply. Her boyfriend assaulted her so brutally, you’d think it was mob justice. We did what survivors and their families are told to do — we reported. We followed up. We knocked doors that led to more doors. We explained the story over and over. But the system drained us until one day… we simply said, Tulimuachia Mungu.
That experience opened my eyes wider than ever before.
GBV Doesn’t Start With Blows
One of the greatest misconceptions is that GBV begins the day someone hits you. No.
It starts with small things — tiny seeds that grow into a forest of pain.
- Sinister comments
- Demeaning statements
- A disrespectful tone
- A subtle insult here
- A belittling remark there
Then one day — boom — a slap.
After that, the escalation is fast and frightening.
And here’s the hardest part to admit:
When you didn’t speak up or draw boundaries in the beginning, you lose the authority to stop it when it becomes physical.
Silence is not peace. Silence is permission.
“You Made Me Do It” Is Not an Apology
Let’s normalize saying this loudly:
“You made me do it” is NOT an apology.
Please don’t validate nonsense.
Don’t excuse violence.
Don’t normalize someone raising their hand on you. It is not love. It will never be love.
Don’t Leave Your Job for Empty Promises
Don’t quit your job because someone told you, “I can take care of you.”
My sister, pesa hazipiganangi.
Depending on someone financially is one of the most common traps in abusive relationships.
You Cannot Change an Abusive Partner
Love is not therapy.
A relationship is not a rehabilitation center.
Stop believing you can love someone into becoming better.
Stay an Individual, Even in Love
Even in the sweetest relationships — be your own person.
Have your own mind, your own boundaries, your own self-worth.
Love yourself boldly. Love yourself loudly. Love yourself enough to walk away when someone stops acting right.
If Someone Lays a Finger on You… Report GBV.
Report.
To the police, your friends, your family, your employer — someone.
Silence is a slow death, and you deserve to live.
And honestly speaking… sai ndio mtu atakufunza manners at 25+?
At this age, when your parents should be enjoying the fruit of raising you, no one should dare cut it short. No one.
Girl… Walk.
Walk.
Run if you must.
Choose life. Choose peace.
Choose yourself.
Yours truly,
Sister Joy
