The Cost of Love: Finding and Keeping Your Soulmate

Wasn’t February just lovely? For most, the count down went on until the fourteenth after which we all forgot about it. I had to at least archive this article until I felt that February was over and done with. I am not fun kill. Love is magical, I tend to think. Especially the fact that everyone has a unique story of how they first met, the lady of course with more details than the man, no offense guys.

The Love Story of a Hopeless Romantic

I am a hopeless romantic, the emotional type who has read anything and everything there is to know about love, but it still tends to amaze me, I am in love with love. Though I have grudgingly decided to come to terms with reality and drop most of the fantasies I got from watching too many Telenovelas and reading Sydney Sheldon’s books.
I still believe in love, that it exists, maybe not in the way I envisioned it to be, but it is there. Then I found the Sacred Search, what a book! You meet your ‘knight in shining armor’ (sorry guys, it’s a girl on the keyboard and how you relay the detail is as important as the detail itself).

The Search for a Perfect Love

He is everything in “the list” and you are amazed to see that there was an actual person that fitted the list, oh how generous God is to us. He is perfect, he talks a lot and you wonder what the girls mean by saying “these guys don’t talk”, he listens to all your stories, he calls every day for an hour and you feel sorry at times because of the cost he is incurred on your account.
He checks upon you in the morning and chats with you all day, “what a man!” You are smitten and the world has never seemed so perfect through the eyes of a damsel in love. The days fly to weeks, then months and you think of having found your soulmate, you fit like lock and key, very much compatible and your love is just “effortless”, you guys literally finish each other’s sentences, and once in a while you coincidentally find yourselves having dressed up outfits of similar colors.

The Perfect Man, a False Reality

Being the spiritual girl that you are, you ask for a sign, and what follows are a series of dreams, sweet dreams of the future with this amazing guy, heavens have confirmed, let no man put asunder. He too, the man of your dreams (literally), is as enthused about you as you are, who wouldn’t like a God-fearing/hearing, prayerful and beautiful woman for a future wife.
Like the fire from dry straws, the relationship hits an inselberg in the sea, everything scatters and floating debris is all that is left. You realize that you are no longer in love and he wasn’t the guy you thought him to be. You come out of the relationship running and hoping that your soulmate out there has not been picked by some other girl( you’ll break them apart if necessary).Tulisema, wataachana tu (we just said they’ll break up) and added to the long list is just another statistic

Love is not Passive

Oh how the mighty have fallen!” said the Psalmist. The only next natural thing after starting a relationship or anything for that matter is breaking up, going down, dying. The notion that has so much been borrowed by believers especially that things will work out effortlessly or that “if we were meant to be we will be”, is at its highest level, passivity and laziness combined with ignorance.
We are so passive when it comes to pursuit for most men and the ladies don’t have the slightest knowledge of how to respond. We tend to think that pursuit ends when she says “YES!” The reason why we all tend to leave the fold and seek “greener pastures” in the world, I mean the guys there know what they want, go for it, and fight for it. Which lady doesn’t want to see such zeal? I am not suggesting that people now go on a spree of taking people in and changing them for Jesus and themselves.
Jesus, oh wonderful Jesus, fell in love too with a damsel (sorry I am into this word today) she was everything, she was perfect in his eyes or he was going to make her so if it killed him. Like the parable he gives about the wise builder, he applied that too, he saw the lady, sat down, counted the cost really carefully, thought of what it meant to “ask” her out, “date” her, and finally “court” her.

The Pursuit of Love, the Cost of a Relationship

When the heavenly host was asked who be willing to pay the cost for her as she was a difficult case altogether, he didn’t rush to say he will at first, he paused, took it all in, what it really meant to actually be one with her, and when he dimmed that he was the man for her, he said he will take up the challenge, he said he will do whatever it took to make sure he had the girl, he deemed her worthy of his pursuit.
When He came for her, He almost wanted out-at the garden, He cried for the “cup” to be taken away from Him, then He corrected it by asking for God’s will to be done. He knew that he wasn’t separating the girl from the cup, He had to take them both. Christ Jesus, what a lover He still is.
You would think that this would be enough, but no, while they courted, he had to cultivate her, it was necessary, make her what he wanted her to be, for himself and for his father when he was to present her to Him; cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, as Ephesians puts it. He is working on her appetite for the things that please the Father, making her presentable, teaching her etiquette.
The Lord Jesus left her a manual, to prepare and He is still with her, working on His bride. The girl has been complying, though at times she falls short, she is respecting Him, and being submissive, and opening up to him, she knows she was loved even before she knew the meaning of the very word.

Jesus, A Perfect Example of True Love and Pursuit

Christ and the Church, his bride, are working it out together, they are walking side by side and committed to seeing it to the big day, they are sole mates, they are walking together side by side and working hand in hand. The most incompatible couple of all time, according to the standards of men, weirdest of all as some still don’t get the connection.
Twenty centuries later, He is still preparing her, not ever giving up on her. If Christ being our very own model has to go through that for His bride, what makes you think that your quest should be effortless. Don’t misquote me, if you’ve tried to make a relationship work but couldn’t, by all means, leave, if it’s abusive or sucking life out of you, let it go.
What I am not for is; too many “foundations” that go unfinished because people just become passive and did not feel “in love” anymore, who told you that love was a feeling and that if it went then so did every commitment we had? Anger, is a feeling, it comes and goes so fast, but love is a doing word; an action for crying out loud, feelings are so seasonal, so temporary to base our lives’ decisions on.

The Notion of Effortless Love and its Limitations

Whoever told you that the euphoria will remain for long, lied to you, I tend to believe that it is just a nudge towards the direction you should go, the flames will go I must say, sooner or later, but what you’ll do with the red embers that remain is up to you, whether you will go and search for firewood to light it up again or just stretch your hand and pour water into it.
I daresay that love is a doing word, hence loves equals actions, love equals work, and hard work for that matter, a relationship doesn’t just work out of wishful thinking, it is something that needs cultivation and work. Something that needs openness and honesty. It is something that calls for vulnerability, which many people dread.
It is something that dares to open those closets we’ve shut for so long and we have to face the skeletons we so much wanted to forget about.  It is high time we became good stewards of the one heart the Lord gave us and guard it diligently, it would not hurt if you took some time to think and figure out if you really wanted to start the Ship, don’t just pull the anchor up without considering the journey ahead and if you have what it takes to reach to the destination safe and sound.
Let the both of you be worthy of that ride, because things happen at sea, and you might end up being the one with the least worth hence be thrown out. So there you have it, having thrown away the thought of there being only one person for me in the world, I let go of the soulmate mentality and buy into this sole-mate thing.

Love equals Work

I want a person we can work things out together with, a person that is ready to pull up their sleeves even when the butterflies aren’t so much as causing a rumble in his tummy and work at making it work, one that we would walk together side by side as we draw even nearer to the Greater Pursuer.
One that will want to solve a conflict head-on and not cower at the slightest argument, one that would know and be sure that I mean the best for them, one that would call me out to become better, as I also call him out, in short, I need a worker, all this passivity and living in the thrill of just feeling it is too expensive for the heart, I need a person who is so sure to start this journey with me that he would rather leave whatever thing he forgot to carry than alight, I need a sole mate, because this is a journey and it is just getting started.


I need a sole mate because the heart may deceive or grow weary along the way, and what might just be needed might a few steps away from the fog. Be my sole-mate. Let’s walk together on this journey until our souls finally meet.
Comments 15
  1. Wonderful i must say you’re a blessing dear keep soaring higher
    More grace and favour upon your life shalom

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