When you hear the word dating among Christians, I believe you are left with many questions. Questions like how far is too far? Is kissing wrong? Can one cuddle with the boyfriend? How about hugs? In this article you shall have all these questions answered practically. You shall explore what it means to Christian dating.
These are complex times for every single Christian. The rise of Dating Apps is not making it easy for them to find love. When they get to find love, there are also questions of whether they share the same beliefs as pertains to dating.
Be Equally Yoked
First things first. Is the person that you are dating born again? If he is not born again, chances are he may not see the sense in some of the rules that we might share here. Consequently, it will cause friction in your relationship onset.
“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?”
2nd Corinthians 6:14
Prioritize your relationship with God
If the two of you are born again, then you should prioritize your relationship with God. Do not get to a point where God comes second when your boyfriend takes the first place. Let your relationships with God be so significant that it overflows in how you treat each other.
‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”
Mark 12:30-31
Do not Neglect your purposes because of the relationship
Often, a woman would neglect her purpose because of the relationship. If you are serving as a missionary and your boyfriend is in the choir, please do not leave your ministry to join him. Unless of course you can sing and there is a conviction in your heart to do so.
No Sex Before Marriage
Sex before marriage is fornication. It is not making love or any beautiful name you’d want to call it.
The restriction of sex until marriage has not been put to kill your fun but to protect you, especially as a woman. The protection is not as physical as it is spiritually and emotionally.
5. Do not Move in Together
Cohabiting in Christian dating is not allowed.
The reason is that it delays marriage. You get to enjoy the rewards of marriage while you are not committed to marrying. In addition, cohabiting may result in familiarity from both parties and that may breed contempt.
If you are sure that you have found your husband. Then make it official and marry. If the man is not ready to marry, moving in won’t make him ready.
6. Date in a community
There is a difference between secrecy and privacy.
Of course, it is wise to keep your relationship private, but not a secret. Do not neglect your community. These could be your friends, family, ministry members, and the like. Do not cut ties with your friends in the name of the relationship.
Someone said “
Desiring God
Truth be told, your relationship is not that interesting to attend to all your social needs.
7. Be Authentic
Do not change who you are. The person you’re dating could have fallen for that person.
Unless you have some bad character traits, be confident in who you are. There is a spark that authentic people have that fake people only dream of.
If your date does not like your personality, then walking away would be easier than changing your personality
8. Never Settle for Less
When dating in your late twenties you might feel the pressure of settling because time is running.
It is an honest concern, but it should not be at the cost of your “till death do you part.” Looking at marriage from this perspective will make it easy to not settle. Have your non-negotiables written and do not compromise for either.
Here is a list of Non-negotiables you should consider as a Christian woman:
- Never settle for a drunk
- Never settle a violent man
- The man you are considering should treat you kindly
- Do not settle for someone whom you doubt their relationship with God
- Do not settle for a man who treats his mother with disrespect.
Study the person you are dating, and do not let the love euphoria cloud your judgment because it will cost you.
9. Cultivate Spiritual and Emotional Intimacy
During dating, most people start by getting to know each other. After some time, they end up using physical intimacy in whatever manner to compensate when they do not have any more things to offer.
However, this is where things start going down. The problem with physical intimacy during dating is that it always has a way of going to the next level. The urge for physical intimacy is important, and if you feel unattracted to the person you are dating, then that is a problem in itself.
Learn to compensate the urge for physical intimacy with spiritual and emotional intimacy. Look for times when you can pray together, study the word, go to church events, and the like.
For emotional intimacy, have dates where you can have meaningful conversations. Get to learn each other’s dreams and aspirations. Get to share what makes you tick and the like. In this way, you get to learn from each other better.
10. Do not date for too long
Ideally, dating is not a destination. Do not overstay there.
Unless either of you is in school or something, dating should take 2 years. If by the end of two years, you are not still ready to settle with that man, please let him go. Also, if a man is still unsure after 2 years without a reasonable explanation, walk away.
Otherwise, staying there longer will breed resentment from your side. It will also affect your self-esteem.
11. Do not Overcompensate
Sometimes you may find out that you are on different spectrums with the person you are dating, either financially, academically, and the like. You might feel inefficient and unworthy to date such a person, and thus automatically get into an over-compensating mode. Never.
Dating is a sound choice for two grown adults. You did not force the man to date you. You are his equal because you are a human being and he chose you.
If your date uses his accolades to intimidate you, then that is not a man you should be dating in the first place.
Frequently Asked Questions
What can Christians do before marriage?
There are so many things that Christians can do before marriage. They include:
- Getting to know each other more through real-time conversations
- Going for family events together
- Going for concerts
- Having double dates with other couples
- Pre-marital Counselling etc.
How do I Glorify God in Dating
You glorify God through being a good steward of the relationship he has given you.
1 Corinthians 6:19
What are some healthy Dating Boundaries?
Here is a list of some healthy dating boundaries that you could apply as a woman.
- Communicating with respect if there is an issue of concern instead of going silent on your date.
- Avoiding codependency and maintaining your identity
- Maintaining your personal space for growth and advancement
